How to Stop Self-Sabotage
“We sabotage the great things in our lives because deep down we don’t feel worthy of the great things.”
WOW! Can you believe we’re already in March? Time has flown since the last time we chatted and I have so much to fill you in on!
I want to apologize.
I feel like we had started something special with our regular dates here and then all of a sudden…
I ghosted you.
I need you to know it wasn’t you!
It was me.
See, as a former people pleasing perfectionist I have this old story that comes up every once in a while to test how far I’ve come and show me what still needs healing.
“If I can’t be perfect, I can’t show up at all. “
Which essentially means that I must always be giving, always be offering, always be doing for others otherwise I don’t have value.
Good lord what an unrealistic standard to try to live up to! Am I right?
It’s impossible and it’s isolating.
The thing with these old stories is that they often disguise themselves as good reason for not doing something we actually really want to do.
When we end up abandoning our true desires and buying into our excuses instead, it’s called self-sabotage.
In this case one of the reasons I told myself (and my mailing list in my last email) was ‘I only want to offer high value content (which I’m absolutely committed to!) so I’m going to re-think how I offer my news letter and blog.’
High standards are a beautiful thing but I was subconsciously chasing perfection.
I spent the last month and a half “thinking” (ahem hiding) as I let the old story keep me small.
Below the surface excuse, the truth was that I was going through big shifts in my personal life and I felt wobbly standing in a new version of myself.
When things feel uncertain our minds try to revert back to familiarity to restore a sense of security and our old stories get called into action.
These stories keep us safe by keeping us small because at one time in our lives we adopted the belief that in order to be loved we had to somehow hide or change a part of ourselves.
We all have stories like this running in the background that keep us from what we want most – to show up fully as our authentic selves and connect with others. In its most distilled form, we just want to love and be loved for who we really are.
We create ideas about who we need to be and what we need to do to be loved when the reality is all we really need to do is show up as ourselves. No more. No less.
The truth is showing up as you are is enough. In fact it’s more than enough! It’s the only thing really matters.
Deep in my subconscious though, I still had the belief that unless I had a perfect version of myself to offer, I had no business showing up at all.
Our subconscious beliefs are what drive our actions and until we start uncovering them, we can go through our entire lives with good excuses but feeling like something is missing, wondering we can’t seem to find joy or feeling constant anxiety or frustration.
We miss the life we’re really meant to live. The one where we show up fully to meet our potential.
These stories aren’t the enemy though. In fact they’re a gift! When they show up and we recognize them, they are the chance to come back to ourselves by becoming aware of our beliefs so we can heal them and remember the truth:
You are enough, you are worthy and you are valuable simply because you are you.
So, here I am not allowing my old story to get the best of me and keep me from what I want most - to connect with you!
I promise, no more ghosting.
I’m so happy to be back here with you! The final months of 2019 are going to be bananas and I’m excited to bring you along on the adventure.
Sending big love,
P.S. Learn how to stop self-sabotage, uncover and break free from your subconscious stories here.